2005-12-08 / The Walrus Says

The Walrus Says

By Jim Munro

9 digital camera

“P.S. Say hi Mrs. Clous and the elfs.” Signed, Thanks Jack.


At least one old walrus destined to provide enlightenment preceded this old walrus to the island and has been sleeping it off at the Narragansett Cafe.

“How can that be?” you ask.

Last week, following the fire that closed down the venerable watering hole, crews began gutting the place. Discovered in the rubble was a candle molded in the shape of a reclining walrus with a wick protruding from its right flapper blade.

Dan Alexander, who has owned the Cafe since 1987, told us he could not recall ever seeing it before. “It could have fallen out of the overhead, the walls, anywhere. It just showed up,” Dan explained.

The candle is 7 inches long, 3 inches wide, and 2.5 inches tall. It is walrus brown with white tusks.

Thanks to Dan, it is now hauled out with a lot of other walruses. If anyone remembers having ever seen it at the Ganny, give us a call. That’s seen it, not us.


The unbelievable magic of Christmas in “Sign,” a musical directed by islander Mary Frances Byerly, will be presented Sunday, Dec. 11, at 4 p.m. at the O’Hare Academic Center at Salve Regina University.

The production stars Five Finger Magic, the James L. Maher Center’s “Signers.” It is part of the overall Christmas in Newport presentations.

During intermission, children in the audience will join in the fun and throw out 200 snow balls as well as bags of Christmas candy from Santa Claus.

“These physically and mentally challenged youngsters appear on stage in total darkness, except for the white gloves that are illuminated by the magic of the black light,” Mary Frances explained. She began signing many years ago in Pennsylvania and teamed up with her teacher, and since close friend Nancy Holthus, in presenting shows in sign language in black light.

After moving here, Mary Frances contacted the James L. Maher Center about putting on a Christmas show. She got back in touch with Nancy

Holthus to help get a new show

together and “Christmas in Sign” was

This is Charlie Burns’ first Christmas as postmaster of the

Jamestown post office. As his predecessor, Ed Booth, so capably did, Charlie has agreed to be sure that any letters addressed to the North Pole have the proper information so the letters receive Santa’s personal zip code enabling him to write back before Christmas.

Charlie has agreed to share the contents of some of the letters so we can be aware of what the hot items are this year in an effort to help everyone in their gift giving.

(We have not corrected the spelling. If you’re comfortable with it, you probably have three or four young kids.)

Here we go:

“Dear Santa & Elves,

“Merry Christmas! I would really like these items. A brand new scooter unless my Dad gets that for me, mabe what I really want to see under our Christmas tree is some Toys, games, on a portible disk player, witch I highly dout but I am wishing! Some disks, a cd player, cds, or a ipod! What you get me I appreciate the gifts!!!”

(In the margin is an aside.) “Santa Claus I tryed to be nice!”

“PS. You can get me other stuff to if you like! Or less.”

Signed, Molly.

“Dear Santa Clause, How has your vacation been going?

(The writer has the word bike cleverly impressed on the letter so when you scratch it with a coin the word bike is seen.)

“I want a bike because kids at school make fun of my old bike.

“What I want even more than the bike is Harry Potter stuff. If you watch me on Halloween I’m going to be him and Ellen’s goin to be Draco Malfoy.

“Tell Mrs. Clause I said Hi and the elves and raindeer too. Write back when you have a chance.”

Signed, Isabel.

“Santa please cane u get me this stuff

1. E.S.P.S 2 ipod shuffle 3 slippers 4 robe 5 ear mofs/ear phones 6 gloves 7 phone for my room 8 a dog like Charlie. “heard” for the first time.

Admission is $3. Children under 12 get in free.

More information can be obtained from Teresa Haas, 8460340.


There’s no question about who is this year’s Scrooge — National Grid.


Workers at the North Pole last week saw a minor dip in productivity as news reached there from Washington, D.C., of the latest attempt to interfere with the joyous occasion of Christmas.

Leaked out of the U.S. Senate’s Transportation Committee were details of an investigation by some key committee members into the number of hours Santa is in the air guiding his reindeer before getting a break.

At a hearing, union leaders came to Santa’s defense and argued that the jolly one gets breaks plus cookies and milk at most stops. In order to keep up with his schedule, he seldom takes more than one bite of a cookie and limits the amount of liquids so he can limit the number of stops. He does, however, get some rest while passing over large bodies of water.

Truckers, taxi drivers, train engineers, airline pilots, and others are limited by the government to the number of hours they can be in control of their vehicles.

Near the closing of the one-day hearing in the nation’s capital, a crisis was averted when the various unions agreed not to pursue any further investigation as long as milk and cookies were included in the future for their workers with their trip information.

This was agreed to by the committee with a price tag of $3 billion annually. “Chump change!”, squeaked a senator in the second row with a Boston accent.

In return, Santa’s representative said that henceforth, Rudolph will receive additional training in clear weather flying and be his backup should he feel the need for a nap. As additional payment, Santa’s agreed to return Rudolph’s hoof trimmers taken from him during last year’s security inspection.

Upon news of the settlement, the elves resumed their busy schedule to the strains of “Rudolph our new copilot. . . .” HO! HO! HO!


OK, listen up now! It’s time to talk box tops.

The PTO’s Ann MarcoccioZainyeh says that the new submission date for all box tops is Feb. 28. This is necessary to expedite the payment so it is received during the current school year.

“We have planned collections at both the school buildings for right after the holiday break and also around the 10th of February to maximize the submission for this year,” Ann said.

The participating companies are General Mills, Pillsbury, Betty Crocker, Old El Paso, and new this year, Glad Ziploc. Ann warns that not all products within the companies participate in the program so check the boxes carefully.

The top three classrooms from both buildings are Melrose school, grade K-2, Mrs. Green, 292; 3-2, Mrs. Guido, 264; and 4-1, Mr. Capaldi and Mrs. Krause, 376.

Lawn Avenue leaders are: 6-1, Ms. Tuttle, 129; 6-3, Ms. Barone, 272; and 8-1, Mr. Englehard, 321.

The two top classes will receive a pizza and/or an ice-cream party at the end of the year.

Ann also wants to extend a big thank-you to Mr. Capaldi and Mrs. Krause as well as their fourth-grade class “for not only coordinating the collection at Melrose but counting all the box tops collected. What a huge help and a great educational tool.”

OK, kids, eat up that cereal. Throw a little salsa on top.


Kudos to the island’s award-winning architect Bill Burgin and his proposed design for the new town hall. It is simply beautiful and shows Conanicut Island past, present, and future. It looks as if it has always been there. It is also within blessing distances of four churches.

Keep it all out of the hands of the Town Council.


OK, back to Christmas and our never-ending quest for that perfect gift.

Pat Holtzman of the Jamestown Press wants “pearl drop earrings.”

A violin is on top of Julia Littlefield’s list. Julia, 4, was at Bank/Newport with her dad.

Paul Cardin of Jamestown Hardware is hoping for a band saw.

Monica Foster, holding down the counter at Pages, wants some extra TLC for her new home in Hope Valley.

Derek Allen, 5, at the dump Sunday with his dad, has his eye on a video game.

At Jamestown Hardware, Karen Boucher requests “a bucket full of $100s.”

Also at the hardware store, Jim Filkins dreams of “enough time to continue my landscape painting.”

Megan Rice at McQuade’s wants “a new car.”

At the Secret Garden, Heidi Lessard said “a day off.” HO! HO! HO! and a big KA-HO!


We checked in with Kay Worden Saturday about the condition of her statue “The Wave” on America’s Cup Avenue in Newport. Last week, two Rogers High School students allegedly stole a car and drove it into the statue. They were both still in serious condition last weekend.

Kay had gone to Newport that morning to check on the condition of the work and reports there is no damage to the statue, only the base.

“Bronze is a pain to make, but hard to hurt,” she explained. She added that the base is brick over cement and sustained a good bit of damage.

Kay said that she has spoken to the manager of the Bay Club which owns the statue and the base. She said there are plans to repair the base.

“The club understands that I’m going to be riding herd until the work gets done.”


To each his own, I’ve found my own, ? ? ? ? ?


”We goofed! In last week’s story about Ross Bohensky’s Eagle Scout project at Heads Beach we gave you incorrect information. Ross never poured any cement for footings, he was prohibited from doing so in his permit. He also completed the boat rack on that day and no further work was needed.

Stop by and see his project and give him a big hug.

*** Be true!


We welcome your contributions to this column — birthdays, anniversaries and other good stuff. You can call us at 423-0383 or 829-2760, email us at jtnwalrus@hotmail.com, or drop the item off at the Jamestown Press office, 42 Narragansett Ave.

Return to top