2006-09-21 / Sam Bari

Supernatural, paranormal, and downright disturbing

By Sam Bari

You can't beat a system you can't understand You can't beat a system you can't understand Throughout history, human beings have been fascinated by anything they don't understand. That's why babies and adult males disassemble complex machinery without having the foggiest idea of how to reassemble the things they've taken apart. If said reassembled machinery even remotely resembles the original after a baby or adult male have rebuilt it, the occurrence is not supernatural, paranormal or magic. It is a documentable miracle.

History also tells us that sometime in our life we will experience events or visions that are beyond our ability to comprehend how or why they happened. For instance: How a 110-pound woman can make a 175-pound male teenager levitate several inches off the ground by merely lifting him by one ear has been a subject of fascination for some time. This phenomenon usually occurs when 110-pound mothers are displeased with male teenage behavior. The phenomenon is not meant to be understood.

We have also learned that today's magic is tomorrow's science. Even though some things are not scientific or magic, they just are. Today, with the help of our crack team of researchers, the Googlamaniacs, we are going to attempt to separate the supernatural from the mundane and debunk the seemingly unexplainable.

Concerned parents occasionally ask us why their adolescent daughters can name every band member in rock groups like Slip Knot, Fuel, or My Chemical Romance, yet they don't know the name of the vice president of the country in which they live. This is also not a supernatural or paranormal occurrence. Unfortunately, it is . . . well . . . normal.

Every few years we read in the news that a woman does something like lift the front end of a twoto three-ton truck off her husband's chest while muttering, "We have two teenagers and a newborn." These events are easily explained. After extensive research, the Googlamaniacs found one of these women and interviewed her. Their findings revealed that the woman was under stress in the heat of the moment and she didn't verbalize all that was on her mind. She meant to say, "We've been married for 15 years and have two teenagers and a newborn. If he thinks he's going to get off that easy by dying on me and leaving me alone with these kids, he has another think coming." Hmmm . . . nothing supernatural here.

Another seemingly common occurrence concerns teenage boys cleaning their rooms without being hounded to do so. You might think this qualifies as a paranormal experience, but it is an easily deciphered no-brainer. It's a teenager's code for "bad

report card coming soon." We list it under the category of downright disturbing.

A frequent paranormal activity that is of interest to concerned readers is the ability of politicians to make voters promises and fail to deliver with impunity. How do they get by with promising job security, reasonable housing, health care, education, and lower taxes in exchange for a six-figure income and fail to deliver every promise without being sued for breach of contract? That is indeed a supernatural ability.

We cannot possibly leave out the uncanny ability of any woman on the planet to be in a room with five other women all talking at the same time without any one of them missing a word that the other five are saying. They can quote an hour of gossip without forgetting one sentence and who said it. How do they do that? Obviously, they have supernatural talents. Men can be asked to go to the store to buy milk, bread, and cereal, and they'll return only with beer. It happens every time. Another human trait that is downright disturbing.

How do some fathers, without saying a word, convince young men dating their daughters that their life will continue to be healthy and productive if they choose to bring her home early without so much as a smear on her lipstick? They can instill fear in the hearts of the most courageous with nothing more than a look. I believe both telepathy and intuition are instincts that are alive and well. These events are living proof that the existence of the paranormal is in fact, indisputable.

As far as ghosts, telekinesis, premonition, telepathy, and other paranormal and supernatural activities are concerned - they're just part of that system we can't understand.

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