2010-07-08 / Sam Bari

The dreaded morning people

You can’t beat a system you can’t understand
By Sam Bari

A recent article in a British newspaper addressed a subject that has long been ignored. Apparently, a professor at some obscure university in Heidelberg, Germany, found sufficient scientific evidence to debunk the old myth that “morning people” are better.

May he be praised for this important revelation.

I have supported this platform since birth. Nonetheless, the world is ruled by morning people, and that is one of its major downfalls.

According to the research, humankind is comprised of morning or evening people. The scientific community has established that our genes produce these little thingies called “chronotypes.” We allegedly all have them.

Anyway, the “chronotypes” dictate our natural preferences for certain times of the day or night.

Evolution, in its infinite wisdom, has produced a range of humans capable of being alert to danger at every hour of the day. Our experience confirms those findings.

We are all too well aware of those perky people who get up in the morning with smiles on their faces as they bound down the stairs in their running shoes, whistling a happy tune.

They love the bright and early. Decisions need to be made, targets must be knocked down and tasks need to be accomplished. Their behavior is enough to turn the rest of us into homicidal maniacs.

Whether we like it or not, those with the genetic gift of “morningness” are more highly rewarded.

This is an inequity that must be righted.

History is filled with stories of great bores praising the virtues of “early to bed and early to rise” as the formula for ultimate success.

Well, early risers of the world, it is time you got your comeuppances.

Research continues to mount that supports the “evening” people, who have qualities that should be nurtured. They tend to be more creative, intelligent, humorous and extroverted. They are the balance to the dreaded morning people, who are said to be more optimistic, proactive and conscientious.

That’s why everything that is fun happens at night. Finally, the scientifi c community has it right.

Unfortunately, the morning set is more likely to succeed in their life’s pursuits because they are more proactive than evening people are. I couldn’t agree more. They are pushy and bossy.

The consensus has historically been that morning is the best time to make decisions because people are full of optimism in the morning. At 9 a.m., nothing can really go wrong.

Who are they kidding? If you’re the average person in any urban environment, by 9 a.m., you just survived rush hour without getting killed. How does that make one optimistic?

Then they say that by 4 p.m., at least a half-dozen annoying things will have happened, leaving you frustrated and annoyed by 6 p.m. Their theory is: You have the rest of the evening to pick yourself up.

There is a way to avoid those little annoyances that occur during the day. Since I was a kid, I have not believed that anything of importance happened before the crack of noon. So it made perfect sense to just avoid that time when annoying things happen.

The way to beat the morning people is to be at your peak when you wake up. This means you start your day at a really fun time. Get up at 4 p.m. That’s right — at the end of the afternoon.

Your first meal of the day will be dinner. What could be better than that? You watch the sunset, get a decent meal, a glass of wine and have the rest of the day to work it off. No waking up to yucky cereal, with two yellow egg yolks staring at you in their morning smugness.

Then, you go out for some entertainment and fun. When you return, you have the peace and tranquility of nighttime to get things done.

The phone doesn’t ring, time passes without interruption and you will accomplish much more than those pompous morning people. Then, when they are rising, you are at your peak, finishing up a productive day.

You end it by reading the morning paper, which tells you about all the icky things that happened the day before while you were sleeping. Consequently, you will be in much better humor than the early risers who contend with the daily annoyances.

When the sun comes up, I go down. No sunburn, no rush hour. It’s a great lifestyle for living in a system we can’t understand.

Return to top